starting over


On Engagement.

In my constant trolling for wedding inspirations, I found the most amazing wedding cake.

Super Mario Wedding Cake!

Bow down in it’s glory. It’s so very cool.

One of my loves in being in a relationship with someone is that you teach each other to see from different perspectives. A finds this extremely difficult to do (teach me) because I’m a big stubborn person who loudly exclaims “I don’t like change, I like things to be the way they are because it makes me comfortable.” But, my friends, the world is constantly changing, and if we want to make a difference, we must change as well.

Being with A has taught me that I tend to go with the flow. I do things because everyone else does them, and I don’t want to look stupid by not doing it or by doing something else. I am comfortable being just another face in the crowd, I am comfortable not drawing attention to myself. A on the other hand, is comfortable when he does what he wants and what he deems to be important regardless of what strangers think of him. While I admire him for his way of thinking, I would refuse to be in the same boat. To each their own.

While I love being in a relationship that challenges me to learn new things, I’m always stuck at the point where I’m more comfortable in my own bubble. A always finds this extremely frustrating and constantly re-evaluates whether the want to teach me new ideas is worth the bickering. We tend to look at things very differently, and I wonder if it makes a relationship harder to grow. Not to say I don’t grow at all – I’ve become better (a lot better) at saving money, I re-evaluate the necessity of items when I shop, I’ve tried to read books he recommends in order to learn more of his interests. I wonder if he notices these things. And I wonder if there is ever a point where he stops to think about whether he would really want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks the exact same way he does. I think I’m a little bitter because we constantly get into disappointing conversations where I don’t seem to care about my future, or my goals, or the use of my time, and all these negative statements are making me wonder how far I need to jump before he says he loves me the way I am. It seems strange that someone would say that and then say “I wish you did _______” or “cared about _______”.

I get the feeling he wishes my in life were in line with his. To be honest, I’m not sure what my priorities in life are at the moment. Is that bad?

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5 Responses to “On Engagement.”

  1. November 19th, 2007 at 3:09 am

    NotImportant says:

    I know what you mean. Due to my own sense of right or wrong, I often feel disappointed at my SO’s choices, and that sometimes leads to frustration. But when the conversation is over, I revisit in my mind what I said, what I thought, and more often than not, I find myself at fault. And then I realise that I am a fool and that she is, more often than not, right. I think as long as people have the capacity and the will to realise their hubris, arrogance, stubbornness, and mistakes, and accept them, then we’ll all be OK. Good luck to you!

  2. November 19th, 2007 at 12:23 pm

    Steph Leung says:

    Wow that is an amazing wedding cake!!!

    Finding out your own priorities should be key but i think teaching and supporting each other is important as well. “Those who play together, stay together.” I guess i believe that statement at least somewhat. No worries girly, things always work itself out in the end. Your relationship will just get stronger as you go if you dont let the little things get in the way.

  3. November 21st, 2007 at 3:46 pm

    Annia says:

    Aww, T! I love this post… and I love YOU! When are you coming back to T.O.?

  4. December 3rd, 2007 at 7:41 am

    Elaine says:

    If you get that wedding cake, I will get everyone I know who can carry a tune and do an a capella version of Mario for you (http://www.compfused.com/directlink/734/)

    Relationships are hard. For years Nathan was kicking my ass about being uninspired and procrastinating with my job search and basically allowing myself to be mired in service industry hell. I couldn’t really decide whether I was really being lazy or if he was just being a pushy jerk. In the end, he was right (grr!) and I got off my ass and found a job.

    I don’t think you need to worry too much about trying to like the stuff he likes. Nathan LOVES sports, I LOVE comics and we’re both pretty cool with having that separation. As much as we love being together, we don’t want to do EVERYTHING together. Have you ever heard me talk about football? I sound like an idiot! And he’s never even READ Questionable Content!

    Maybe try to think of what YOU’RE interested in, and if you don’t know, look up something that you’re marginally interested in and check it out online, go to the library and arbitrarily take out books, read review for plays and go to them… I think it’s important to keep a sense of who you are in a relationship (or learn it if you don’t know yet) so keep yourself from being so-and-so’s girfriend/fiancee/wife and being just you. Don’t worry about feeling directionless. We all feel that at some point. The hardest thing is just going out and changing it. Don’t worry if no one wants to go discover stuff with you… do it on your own. You’ll just seems mysterious and artsy, you’re too cute to look like some loser by herself. I know a bunch of people who don’t know what they’re doing or what they’re going to do. It’s always awesome being with them because they’re always on the search of something new, so they always have great stories to tell, or will take you on some weird journey to a new restaurant, or some crazy event…

    Yeah this comment is too long.. but if you ever want to talk, you know my number and I suspect you know how to make free long distance calls… working where you do and all ahaha

  5. December 4th, 2007 at 3:03 pm

    Phils says:

    Whoa..dats an awesome cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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